he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Is it penis luge time yet?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
