there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
