First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
