Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
