The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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