I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
