He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize