I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
