god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
