During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
