We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
