you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
