I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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