bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
