Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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