I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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