You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
