So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
