when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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