Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
