My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
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I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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