Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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