thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
