i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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