I wanna passion pit in your ass
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
