i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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