i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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