Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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