I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
