my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
