Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
