I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
