He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
