i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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