If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
