I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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