Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
