Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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