It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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