ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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