And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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