Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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