I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
