we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
