Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
