You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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