Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
