I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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