She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
vagina is talking i cant
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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