what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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