Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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