I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel like abortions should bother me more
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
