If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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