is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
