wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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