Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
