Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
