my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
