Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize