I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
