I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
