I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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