I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
