Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
