I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize