My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
