Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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