Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
