Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
