All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How does one acquire holy water?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
