I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
