You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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