It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
