bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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