I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
