Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
