She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
