That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
